HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO TKB N DARL! =)

geog, gp, math are done.

left with chem paper 2 (nxt tues),

bio paper 3 n chem paper 1 (23 Nov)

bio paper 1 (3 Dec)

the hurricane wk is over

sigh

mixed feelings though

am rly relieved tt its over

but then...

am also scared to look at the result slip nxt yr haha.

am scared i gonna get grades tt will get me nowhere.

am afraid of the uncertainty.

sigh.

am rly addicted to FB applications

Restaurant City, Cafe World, Farmville, Fishville n Rollercoaster Kingdom

damn

wish i hadnt started it lol

now keep having to chk constantly to keep things running smoothly

if only running these stuff was tt easy haha.

i wan go swimming!!!

and exercise till i drop dead from exhaustion haha

and start to learn how to play the guitar hehe

as well as learn drums if possible

omg im rly fat now =(

sigh.

omg so many ppl i wan meet up wif

so many things i wanna do

can't wait.

prelims are finally finally over

though i started slackin since last fri - -

haha

watched 'the ugly truth' wif kb last fri aft our bio paper ended

HILARIOUS TO THE CORE

we kept LOL-ing throughout the entire show

rather crude, as someone puts it,

but definitely an enjoyable one=)

went over to yh's hse on sat for bbq

met his cousins

how interesting!

it was like i cld rly 'click' wif them

though san being pri4 but i got along rly well wif her=)

o and her sis is rly like me LOL

laughing much and being in a cca which we dun look like haha!

btw yeah she's J2 too haha more in common!

gained 2 new frens now=)

sunday was our delayed 1.5 anniversary

of which much unhappiness surrounded it before sunday

but sunday turned out great=)

he surprised me wif a BLUE ROSE!!!

e first n last time he bought flowers was v day

so it was rly a pleasent surprise haha

not cos of e flower

but the fact tt he got a flower=)

could'nt find the white dress i wanted

so bought a v sweet white blouse instead 'beams

and that was his present to me

went to hv lunch at katong laksa

then head back to raffles city springfield

whr i bought for him the black collared shirt=)

looked abit small at first but man

i think he looks much gd-looking in black

(yeah yeah besides the fact that i do love looking at guys who wear decent looking black collared shirts, short/long sleeves. Makes them more dressed up and guy-ish, don't you think?)

went swensen's for dinner

then PS for 'the ugly truth' which, yes, i'm watchin again

cos i rly love how tt show makes me laugh n tt happy ending!

rly happy tt day=) and it marked an end to our unhappiness before=)

then fast forward to today!

math p2 was BEYOND BLEAK.

i guess this'll be the last time i'm failing math bah.

sighs.

went to AMK Lib for books then had budget lunch wif kb n jon

then we went to j8

passed by the mooncake exhibition hehe

saw loads of interesting flavours

wad wif blackforest (urgh tt was way too sweet =( )

champagne flavour (no sample for tt ='( )

and yeah many other weird flavours

then we shopped at nature republic

whr we each bought a bottle of nail polish

i bought omg light blue!? first of my kind

i'm usually into bronze or dark purple or mother-of-pearl

my first blue!

which i happily painted on my toe nails at home a few hrs ago=)

then watched 'gamer' wif kb

yeah its m18 no doubts abt tt - -

but e plot was pretty cool though

haha

cos i'm into such computer-game-turn-reality kinda stories

eg Givenchy Code - thumb's up for tt man!

haha

and the actor's the same as 'the ugly truth'!

o yeah Gerard Butler =)

am now engrossed in reading my lib books

until my hell comes back

and for 2mrw

besides gg over to his hse for swimming

i have at least 4 stacks of articles sitting on my mind

waiting for me to complete my index-ing.

urgh.

can't they even give us a break - -

random: LOVE MY NEW BLUE NAILS=))

tata!

finished gp prelim exam on thurs

damn

Recent advances in Science has reshaped our world. Consider the implications of this trend?

urgh.

horrible.

today marks the start of my real thorough revision

shall i highlight what i aim to complete within 9 days?

(starting from today, NOW.)

Bio: Read thru all topics notes n practice qns in at least 2 prelim papers.

Chem: Same. And complete tuition practice paper hmwk.

Math: Finish at least 2 practice papers.

Geog: Read thru all notes n look thru qns. And omfg jus realize tt i didn't plan for any geog consultation during sep hols.

oh, FML. how is that even possible within 9 f-ing days - -

unless i dun slp or eat

urgh.

/wrists.

my life now can be summarized in 1 word.

bleak.

sigh.

1.5 anni nxt wk.

but too stressed to feel tt excited abt it anymore lol.

shall go back to bio.

sigh.

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with me

Straight Through My Heart - Backstreet Boys

In the heart
Of the night
Where its dark
In the lights
I heard the loudest noise
A gunshot on the floor

I looked down
And my shirt's turning red
I’m spinning around
Felt her lips on my neck
And her voice in my ear
Like I missed you
want you tonight

Straight through my heart
A single bullet got me
I can’t stop the bleeding
Straight through my heart
She aimed and she shot me
I just can’t believe it
No I cant resist
And I can't be hit
I just cant escape this love
Straight through my heart
Soldier down(my heart)
Soldier down(my heart)

Thought I moved
More than on
Thought I could
Fool her charm
I really wanna go
But I cant leave her alone

Hear the sound
Of a love so loud
I just can’t, I just can’t
Ignore this feeling
Said she misses me
And she wants me
Wants me tonight

In the heart
Of the night
When its dark
In the lights
I heard the loudest noise
A gunshot on the floor

love these 2 songs!!!

man taylor swift is drop dead gorgeous!

sigh...

gp prelim 2mrw

die

why the hell am i still here?!

'runs off to continue reading aritcles

it has always been the case

that i must experiance the fear of losing smth

before i learn to treasure it

but as time pass

i slowly forget that fear

and take things for granted again

keep assuming that things must and will always go my way

according to what i want

what i imagine it to be

but reality as always

slaps me back from dreamland

to the present time

the present situation

it is, but a cycle

a seemingly never ending cycle

seriously, when will i ever learn?

i realized

there are different relationships in this world

not one relationship is perfect

it's just a matter of whether the problems

exist in a very obvious state or not

i have a confession here

as most ppl wld have known

we started off pretty sudden, pretty shocking

but... feelings not v strong honestly speaking

i'm quite certain its the same for him

judging from how he treated me at e start

but as time goes by

it was like the see saw tipping to one side.

it was not balanced.

they say

thr's always one party hu gives in more

and the other who receive more

regrettably, i belong to the latter.

i'm a little confused

not sure if maturity level can serve as

a reasonable explanation here

on the other hand, i'm not v matured myself

unconsciously,

small problems like this arise

with that, disagreements

and of course coupled wif

those buckets of tear water and heart ache

our cold war has never last past a day before though

and, while most ppl wld see as perfect and blissful

i ask myself - is this normal for a r/s?

often, i look arnd and the answer is no.

many tell me, dun compare

but i compare, because i wan to find the answers

to my questions

i wan to clarify all the doubts that i have

nevertheless, i have yet to find all the answers i need to know.

o yeah

nearly forgot

darl managed to book out from camp last sat nite

a pleasent surprise=)

he was supposed to stay in over the wkend

but yeah lucky him haha

met at nite, and sunday

went lib wif him kb n the sick goat to study

then went wif his family for dinner

they ordered crab! 'drools

but it wasn't tt fresh

enjoyed the time wif him though=)

his POP is in 3 days! =)

k gtg study for geog litho essay test 2mrw

which i hv a strong feeling i'm gonna fail again - -

tata!

'heels are like chocolate, except without the kg's.'


i know i'm supposed to be doing work now
so i'll make it short and sweet bah

am so glad this wk is over
this super hellish wk
so many things happened!
so many tests
and definitely
so many realizations and disappointments

had 4 tests on wed 2 for geog 2 for math - -
siao la the teachers
couldnt they like sort out such tt
everything is spaced out throughout the wk?!
urgh
but yeah basically screwed every test bah
sigh.
next wk got test every single damn day
crazy crazy
suddenly i can't wait for aft A's.

had a gd talk wif my close frens
haha
v v long nvr sat down n rly ask how's stuff wif
dear pig (or rather aunty amanda)
and of course
goat, his excellency n kb
v long nvr talk to pig le
even though we see each other in sch like 5 days/wk
we seldom talk due to erm geographical barriers?
hard to explain but ppl hu know the situation
yeah u know it.
hmm but i feel tt though we seldom talk
we're still close no matter wad
poured out loads to each other
2 hrs plus of talking is rly insufficient
hope we can continue our talk someday=)

ytd aft ndp celebration e 4 of us finally got tgt
went to orchard n ate fisherios
beer battered fish is yum!!!
then we walked all e way to borders jus to kill time
then rushed back to cine to catch G.I. Joe
or wad some baka puts it as
'G Joe - The Rise of Teh Bing' hahahahaha
aft e show we went to serangoon astons to eat dinner
then crossed over to chomp chomp for beancurd
nice beancurd!!! love e pearls=)
i guess there's this special type of happiness
that i always feel when i'm wif them 3
this unique warm happiness
that i nvr felt wif anyone except wif them
no, not even wif yh
tt's how special it is
i can't even rly put it in words to accurately describe it
but no doubt
it's always felt when i'm wif them
perhaps it's cos of all e stuff we've been thru tgt
all those times

one of my realizations is, however, and most unfortunately
is tt i rly suck as a fren.
i know, they're impt to me, close to my heart
but my actions always speak otherwise
my life, i admit, has changed wif him arnd
so did my actions
but rly
ultimately
i can nvr choose btwn both of you
i suppose i am selfish enough
to want 'the best of both worlds'
but it seems to cause displeasure on both sides.
nevertheless
i rly am trying my best to strike a balance btwn both
pls, give me time so i can learn from my mistakes.
n to my dear frens
thank you, for still considering me as a fren despite of
all the flaws i have
thank you=)

darl booked out on thurs nite n came over
to my hse for supper
though i was feeling a little unwell
mum prepared herbal chicken for him
lucky him=p
but yeah 2hrs is nvr enuf
always find it so hard to let him go
but in e end i know i have to.
darl's booking out tonight though
arnd 10 or 11 plus at nite
tomorrow can meet le=)
but he wun be coming out nxt wk though
in other words when he book in on mon nite
e nxt time we meet will be 10 days later
almost reminds me of BMT
jus when i thought tt period was over
seems like it nvr will be.
i rly nd to start learning,
learning how to let go
learning how to be strong
most importantly
learning how to balance
btwn frens n him
btwn him n studies.
hope i can pull thru tt 10 days
cos in uni, thr's overseas exchng prog which last more than jus a mere 10 days
can stretch over 6 months
so 10 days is rly rly the min.

jiayou to everyone,
and god help me.

'when we grip sand in our palms tighter, it flows out through our fingers faster'
so i guess i rly shld learn how to let go?

FOCUS!

k am finally updating le haha
since it's been dead for so damn long

been pretty busy
tryin to catch up in hmwk n revision
hvt officially started rev
except maybe for bio p3?
which our bio teacher kept getting us to practice
i rly find doing papers more useful
so we can know wad we need to read up on more n clear our misconceptions=)
hvt cleared all tutorials
gonna finish up at least half of chem grp2 tut and start on geog hmwk n gp
urgh
one pile accumulated again - -
it doesn't ever seem to stop, does it?
but i suppose barring myself frm gg out was a gd thing
at least i completed bio NJ paper3 ytd
happy=) tt i'm finally doing some work on a sat - -

kb's sick =(
not sure if she got frm me
but she's got cough n stuff
so we didn't swim on fri
instead we went out wif sophia, airu n maureen
DAMN FUNNY LA THEIR CLIQUE!
all e gossips n jokes rly kept me laughing all e way hahahha
haha we went to MOF on fri to eat ice cream dessert
SUPER SUPER NICE!!!
for the first time in dunno-how-many-yrs
i finally tried ice cream tt wasn't choc flavour LOL
their hokkaido red bean paste is paradise man!
so is their soft serve vanilla ice cream
i'm definitely gg bk for more nxt wk=p
maybe i'll try psycho-ing kb n pig theyall nxt wk aft lessons
on fri go eat thr again=p

i'm feeling fat n lazy urgh
pretty sure tt i've gained weight
considering all the ice cream tt i ate on fri
aft MOF in e aftnn me n darl went haagen daz
so u can imagine...
it was 2 scoops of choc ice cream plus brownie
*but i didnt touch the brownie hor
sigh
i rly think i've got worms in my stomach
rly been eating alot this past wk - -
sigh

so as seen above
i met darl for supper on fri nite aft he booked out
yep haagen dazs
wanted choc fondue but aft we saw e price ..........
it was a f-ing 42 bucks
wth la
i remember last time e menu said serve for 2 n it was 28 only
WL
now it looks like it serves four - -
was telling darl ask his bro n v along double date LOL
but rly the price is ...
darl came down on sat late morning
haha
then both of us n my family met outside for lunch
b4 he pei me go for tuition
now, thr's rly a great chg here
he used to complain abt public transport fares being ex n stuff
but now he's willing to take e bus to n fro
can see tt army rly causes maturation of guys rofl
but yeah nevertheless am happy tt he chg for e btr =)
he followed me home n stayed for a while b4 zhao-ing off
to join his family n relatives for dinner
was supposed to go wif him but since i barred myself...
the least discipline i had to hv was to stay at home during the wkend
so there.
he came down again today now earlier arnd 10 plus in e morning =)
did abit of electrochem tut b4 leaving for lunch
ate at j8 subway
THE NEW CHEESE STEAK IS YUM!
then we bought seaweed shaker fries n beancurd home
urgh ate so much
not to mention aft tuition ytd we oso bought
korean jumbo sausage n tako pachi
seriously am fat now =(
came home n he went thru my math papers wif me
sigh
seems like i cld hv passed
its all careless mistakes
i know e approach de...
but mistakes here n thr made me felt less confident of my ans
hmm maybe tt's why mr lee still has confidence in me? i hope?
no matter wad
now tt i know whr my mistake is
i'll try my best not to make e same mistake again
well, tt's e least i can do for now i suppose.

sigh.
prelims coming soon
i... rly don't know if i can pull thru
n get the grades tt i wan
the days left to nov9
rly starts to make me wonder
is it rly possible? can i do it?
can i follow my dream n get a place in NUS, in the course i wan?
i guess my ans wld always be the same.
i can, i need, i must.
hope this wld be my strongest motivation for the last lap of abt 4 months.

focus is my key to success now.

got back all my papers le

but didnt take gp n bio cos was sick

still had to sit for bio structured qns as a timed prac

totally died on tt man

gp's coming up soon this wk

sigh.

failed everything so far

feeling kinda...

i dun rly know how to describe

sad definitely cos thru-out my entire jc life

i keep failing n failing

but kinda expected though

considering the fact tt i didnt put in much effort esp math

which earned me tt pathetic result

i nd to stop shunning math jus bcos its my weakest n start practicing =(

only 8 wks to prelims

4 months to A lvls

seriously how the heck am i gg to survive during this last lap?!

rly feel hopeless at times

but somehow

i always manage to squeeze out a smile and say

'everything's gonna be okay'

maybe i shld stop decieving myself

obviously everything's not gonna be okay from the looks of things now

unless i'm gonna give my full for the remaining time

wish i had tt kind of motivation for O's

tt kind of thinking tt nth mattered more to me than getting the grades tt i wanted

been also thinking

i shld also start to cut down e time tt i go out

as well as slack

increase the time for completing hmwk n most importantly

studying

but

rly hard for me to

since most of e time when i go out

it's always wif yh

n now tt his 6 wk stay in course started

it also means i only get to meet him on wkends

which is already painful enuf for me

kor told me

'you alrdy survived tekong, now sure can la'

but rly,

jus bcos i survived one lvl of hell doesnt mean i can for e subsequent lvls

sigh.

also worried for kb

looking at her today...

i guess now's a rly bad time tt we hv to pull thru tgt

jiayou bah!

i want to find back my motivation

i must find back my motivation

i need that motivation

desperately.

god help me.

darl didnt managed to come out
cos he got caught by his officer
brought his hp to field camp
so he cldnt come out for e wkend

when i first heard
i felt extremely shocked n disappointed
shocked cos he didnt tell me he was bringing his hp
otherwise i swear i wld hv stopped him
disappointed cos
tt sat was all i ever kept looking forward to
the anticipation
all my hopes
was dashed on tt very day

cried alot
but kor called n consoled me
so im much btr now
darl n me went thru quite a difficult time
i think tt sat was e most heart-wrenching period
for both of us
everything was like on e verge of breaking point
i was sick of being disappointed n hvin to cry so much over him
he was afraid tt i'll choose to leave him
but we got everything sorted in e end=)
thank god for tt.
we both realize we needed each other ultimately


shall look forward to nxt sat then
i nd to jy for this wk
bio spa n chem test
gambatte!


'any moment, everything can change' - Hilary Duff

today's e day!!!
finally finally finally =)
dunno wad time's darling gonna be out though
haha
but anyway got chem tuition
so can only meet him aft my tuition

haiz
my cough's rly bad
this morning wake up sexy voice ROFL
i wan my voice back!
urgh
maybe cos these few days
keep consuming cold drinks
LOL
but frankly
when i hv bad coughs
i dun care
zhao yang take de
tkb u oso not supposed to take cold drinks!
LOL
must refrain man
otherwise i'll be left wif sign language
to communicate wif ppl=p

wl so much work over e wkend
siao one
haiz
plus nxt mon bio SPA
final one le!
n chem common test on fri =(
jiayou jiayou!
aft nxt wk then can take a breather=)

lookin forward to seeing darling later!
tata!

"Someone's Watching Over Me"
Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart
-I know you're watching over me=)

4th day is over!
yeah 2 more days only!!!
damn happy
today mr h not here=(
but mr b took over
haha he damn funny too but oso stress ppl out sia
timed prac was bad
i dun think i can fare well for this time haiz
o ya pig terence kb n me got take funny vid
we remaked the advertisements on tv la
ROFL
hilarious
laugh until beng lmao
got the M1 adv, the gambling one n magnum - -'''
rly damn super funny omg hahahha
we shld go sign up wif mediacorp liao hahhaha
aft pe went subway wif pig n kb
haha nice!!! and cheap =p
bought bubble tea too=)

got yearbook today too
saw darling's photos
got 2,
one in math superteam
one in class
haiz
miss e times when u were still in AJ
miss e times u waited for me (vice versa)
miss e times we looked forward to breaks
miss e times we hang out during breaks
miss e way u look in sch uni
miss your hair!!!
wahahahha
last time keep saying darl's hair ugly
but now haha no comments la hor? =p
appreciate e past now
though i know its impossible to return to it

haiz
still no motivation to do work
and i hv a list of to-do's:
-approx tut
-respiration tut
-geog essay outline
-carboxylic tut
-nitrogen cmpd tut
*study bio SPA!
*study for chem test on fri!
a whole mountain of work
and i dun feel like starting at all
man
darling hurry come bk
i nd my motivation pls
god help me. rly.

2 more days!!!

its end of 3rd day
i'm dying
LOL
wonder how's he doing
hmmm
but i guess lucky me at least got frens arnd me bah
though they dun rly talk much abt him
maybe dun wan me get too distracted missing him bah
haiz

our class clique...
haiz
rly dunno wad to do now
i'm practically forced to take sides
frankly
it seems kinda childish
u know the i-dun-friend-you thing?
wahlao
we're like how old le
seriously
in JC still got this kinda stuff rly hilarious
haiz
but reality...
totally sucks la
rly sick of this liao
sum1 pls advise=(

miss darling=(
got so many things wanna tell u
not sure if can remember until sat though
life completely and entirely without you
makes 6 days feel like 6 lifetimes
everytime i think of you
the pain sets in
the tears start to flow unknowingly
the sadness gushes out with no prior warning
i hate the emptiness
i hate the loneliness
i hate life without you
its like i can't do anything right when you aren't arnd
can you hurry come back please?
haha
since when did you turn me into such a dependent person?
i rly don't know

wan watch angels and demons!!!
hv been waiting to watch for damn long le!
hope maybe can watch with darling nxt wk bah
i guess when he come bk on sat he'll jus collapse on e bed
from exhaustion
maybe when i go see him on sat he'll be sleeping 99.9% of e time
hahaha
your video and msgs is not making me feel btr
it makes me miss you even more=(
miss you alot alot alot.......

3 days more...

its 1st day of field camp
woke up at 8 (set alarm)
went bk to slp until 11
then slack slack slack all e way until like 2
just can't seem to get myself to focus
but i did finish bio evolution tut
gonna start on 3 newspaper articles soon
i promise

i'm not myself today
forced myself to not think of him
when i was slacking
i forced myself to shut him out of my mind
watched youtube vids dl music
anything
except him
but somehow
when i look arnd
everything i see reminds me of him
our pullout bed
the chair
the dining table
the kitchen
the cup he always used
the shirt n shorts i lent to him last sat
which are now hanging dry on e clothes line
everything brings back all the memories

you told me to be strong b4 u left
i rly am trying...
but its hard
so difficult
cos practically everything tt i see
reminds me of you
when i close my eyes
i see nothing but you
but its a gd thing though
at least you're there with me at night
when i sleep
when i close my eyes
you're in front of me
and so i look forward to every night
you're my motivation=)

29 days to POP!
darl says thr's gonna be grad nite for them
and he says he's bringing me along=))
o yeah smth to look forward to haha
new dress!!! =p

kk back to work
will keep myself occupied in e day
my night is reserved for you darl
gd nite and rest well darl=)

5 days more! GAMBATTE!

its been abt 4 wks
but this 4 wks seemed as if
half my life has passed by
i learnt n changed so much during
this short span of time
selection pressure: NS

yeah it seems pretty ridiculous
i mean
i'm not even serving NS
haiz
regrettably though yh is
or maybe not.

well, one thing i can say is
our relationship sure became stronger
i remember vividly
the first 2 wks of confinement
those phone calls tt lasted avg 15 mins
tt was rly a huge jump from the 2hr phone calls
we used to hv b4 he went in
it was rly hard for me at tt time
trust me
you hv no idea how much i cried during
the first 4 nights
because at tt time i realize
at night
he wasn't physically thr anymore
no more complaining over e phone
no more mindless gossip
when i pick up e phone
i go straight to e pt of what i want to
say to him
no stammerings
no hesitations
and definitely
no crying
cos i figured out crying over e phone
is just a wastage of our precious time
every single minute
perhapes even second counts

yeah i do cry lesser nowadays
partly cos of the fact i forced myself
to adapt to this new life
life without him during the wkdays
the tears has somewhat dried up already
but thr are of course some breaking pts
afterall i'm still human
i do feel lonely
i can't be 24/7 strong
thr were certain factors tt accumulated
and pushed me to my breaking pt last mon
it was terrible
i cried
and i made him cry n worry
which ultimately made me even more sad
but we talked thru
we both felt
tt our relationship is strong enuf to
overcome these factors
and so problem solved=)

he's gg on field trip nxt wk
which means
5D4N no phone contact at all=(
i dunno how the hell am i gg to survive nxt wk
loading myself wif work n chionging finish my tutorials
seems like a pretty gd solution
hopefully tt 5 days will quickly pass by painlessly
pray tt the tears n breaking pts will not come during tt period
pray tt i will be strong enough
pray tt i will survive.

kb jus reminded me ytd
cos now my wkends are totally spent on him
i dun even do my work on the wkends
which i used to
which means
i gotta start making full use of my wkdays to chiong
my work
since i'm spending my wkends wif him already
haiz
mus stop taking long naps le
now the schedule is so tight!
i'm starting to feel tightness n suffocation
but i'm still not taking much action - -
hope i dun nd mid-yrs as a wake-up call man

to darling
jiayou for your field camp
when it's over you only hv abt half the
journey of ur BMT to complete!

to myself
gambatte!
you'll hv more than just 9 wks in battle
i'll be needing more of perseverance
less of weakness n vulnerability
god help me.

all the little things that you do for me
seemed so insignficant when you were still around
sending me home almost every nite
bringing tissue when we're out
holding out your water bottle to me
reminding me if there's a step
taking my bag for me when i'm feeling lazy
helping me blow-dry my hair
guiding me in my work
holding out a tissue whenever i needed it
wiping my tears away with your fingers
faking sleep when you demanded my attention
bringing baby to my house
wearing whichever outfit i wanted you to wear
having to tolerate my mood swings
all these small little things
added up and ultimately
i realize their importance only when you're about to go
only when it's too late

your snoring
your umbrella
your home dressing
your hair
your tummy
your singing
all the little things that you do makes you beautifully imperfect
i miss you.

jus met up wif tkb, jon n darl at manhatten fish market

jy u've been missed

anyway

shared seafood platter wif kb

nice!!!

service thr was great too=)

it was pretty hilarious today

cos they were trying to give me a surprise but somehow...

hahhaha damn funny la!

always spoilt by me LOL

anyway

got a flower balloon, home-baked dark choc cake and crumpler bag from them
i know its super super ex

sry guys...

but yeah i love it alright=)

including tt bitter dark choc frosting cake=p

had a wonderful time wif u guys 2nite

laughing n crying hahahah

rly appreciate alot

sry tkb made u waste ur entire day today away

but i rly appreciate wad u done for me

making a surprise

not for my bday alone

but also surprising me wif the thought tt yall truly cared for me

arigatou kb, jon, goat n darl=)

home-baked dark choc cake by kb n darl=))

bday cake box top=)

flower balloon n black crumpler=)

today's post is dedicated to the following ppl
thank you so much to you guys
for loving n caring for me so much
and celebrating my bday for me=)

the most thoughful girl - peilin =)
thnx so much for the pouch n magnet!
i know ur bday's coming up! =p

candice nu er=)
thnx so much for tt swensen's treat!
hvt ate thr for a long time
i truly enjoyed our catching up n the black pepper seafood pasta=p

(in no order of preference) ruiyin hot babe, princess jer, aunty zhilin, mooncake fellow bday girl, v xin fu lirong =)
thnx gals for tt beautiful card, nice bag n of course the face shop nail polish
had a wonderful kim gary dinner wif yall
love u guys!

dearest darl yi herng=)
for celebrating our anniversary wif watchmen n carl's junior
though quite random
but yeah i enjoyed myself, just so you know=p
thnx darl!

to my beloved family
thnk you for pei-ing and celebrating my bday for the past 19 yrs
i truly appreciate all the time spent
hugs and love=)

the class clique!
amanda the pig, yunhan the quiet one, terence laughter, soen meow and tkb
thnk you all so much for giving me a memorable time at astons by surprising me wif the wallet n posh brownies!
hahas had a great time laughing silly wif yall!
hugs=)

for the future (actually its 2mrw)
tkb (yes u again!), darl (you too!) jianyang the goat and jon the AJI singer
though i dunno wad u guys are planning/up to
someone told me its gonna be a surprise tt i'll love
but anyway
wif or without the surprise
thnk you so much for tolerating me these 2 yrs
its been great knowing you guys
hope we can stay like tt forever=)
hugs - applicable to kb only

clar, tian sheng kor, gina, benjamin kor kor, dingjie, jeremy tan, meikee
thnk u for ur bday wishes=)

d day's superb this yr! =))
love u guys!

ugh potato

sweet potato sucks to wadeva hell

its not sweet
its not a potato
its disgusting
its ugh
its wtf
it shuld be called.......... qweeeh (completely random)

urgh hving allergy reaction to fur
cos me n darl went into a pet shop on fri (i didnt touch anything!!!)
nxt moment at home my hand had little bumps tt congregrate to form lumps
unbearable at nite =(
sat morning went to e doc
she gave me a jab n some med
funniest thing - e med's drowsy effect was so effective tt i fell aslp in e clinic while waiting for my med to be ready - -'''
dad had a tough time getting me home lol
at e end of sat i took my med n went to bed
which i then woke up on sunday morning
to find e most horrifying scene ever
my legs were covered in rashes =(
but now it was redder n not in lumps
haiz
so went back to e doc in e aftnn
however he said it was all part of allergy reaction
and tt he cldnt do anymore already
so i only needed time
haiz
i rather he gave me another jab man LOL
i wanna get back my norm skin! =(

o yea btw
my paternal aunt is a two-face lying bitch.
have i mentioned tt earlier?
oops.

my paternal aunt is a two-face lying god-damn bitch.
o yeah.

madly madly madly
well tell me that you need me (to not be angry wif you anymore)
show me I'm the only (one making you miserable and sad) and thats all i need to know.

madly madly madly
well if you really love me,
when you see me leavin' (getting angry) baby, just let me go ( and get angry at you)

man i've been hardworking today hehe
shall take e nite off then!

gina darling
it was great meeting u today=)
happy tt u like e gift
dun overwork urself k?
hope to cya soon
take care!

revision 2mrw wif darl
sian
haiz

15 more days to D-DAY!!!=)
is tt supposed to be a gd thing or bad thing?
i wonder.


madly madly madly
well tell me that you need me
show me I'm the only and that's all i need to know

madly madly madly
well if you really love me,
when you see me leavin'
baby, just let me go

i wanna watch
he's just not that into you=)
marley and me
race to witch mountain
transformers 2

i want to have
one more bag!
a decent wallet so i'll stop losing my cards- -
queen of babble gets hitched!
one more comb ROFL
a talent for studying(yeah i totally nd)

i want to be
overall, a better person
ME=)

am hoping d day's gonna be fun this yr=p

5 Love Languages

http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp

Score
Love Language
4 - Words of Affirmation
4 - Quality Time
7 - Receiving of Gifts
8 - Acts of Service
7 - Physical Touch

- -'''

Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your primary and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9 respectfully), it indicates both are important to you. Whatever a significant other does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you. The highest possible score for any language is 12.

i'm not sure
of everything
lost
confused
seems like i cant grasp hold of anything afterall

tt old feeling's
kinda long gone
dunno why
maybe it's just me
maybe i'm jus reading too much into everything

i know
people say we have to learn how to be strong
to let things go
but it isn't as simple
as i would have thought months ago

i know
people say get your priorities right
yeah i'm trying
i want to place studies as top priority
but somehow
my actions prove otherwise

i want to break out of this emotional circle
i'm tired
the past - it was sweet and innocent
the present - filled with disappointment half the time
the future - i'm not sure anymore

though i try to imagine life differently
i see nothing
except loneliness
perhaps i've gotten used to life wif you around
perhaps now you have become a part of me
that no matter wad happens
you'll still exist in me

a person of countless, if not, many flaws
it's been a miracle that many people accepted me
despite seeing the ugly side of me
despite knowing that i'm unbeautiful
despite knowing that i'm imperfect
thank you so much for tolerating me
-in the process of trying to mature-

still
i'll try to live everyday with a smile
sometimes it may seem difficult
but i know i'll be able to achieve it
with your help=)