its been abt 4 wks
but this 4 wks seemed as if
half my life has passed by
i learnt n changed so much during
this short span of time
selection pressure: NS

yeah it seems pretty ridiculous
i mean
i'm not even serving NS
haiz
regrettably though yh is
or maybe not.

well, one thing i can say is
our relationship sure became stronger
i remember vividly
the first 2 wks of confinement
those phone calls tt lasted avg 15 mins
tt was rly a huge jump from the 2hr phone calls
we used to hv b4 he went in
it was rly hard for me at tt time
trust me
you hv no idea how much i cried during
the first 4 nights
because at tt time i realize
at night
he wasn't physically thr anymore
no more complaining over e phone
no more mindless gossip
when i pick up e phone
i go straight to e pt of what i want to
say to him
no stammerings
no hesitations
and definitely
no crying
cos i figured out crying over e phone
is just a wastage of our precious time
every single minute
perhapes even second counts

yeah i do cry lesser nowadays
partly cos of the fact i forced myself
to adapt to this new life
life without him during the wkdays
the tears has somewhat dried up already
but thr are of course some breaking pts
afterall i'm still human
i do feel lonely
i can't be 24/7 strong
thr were certain factors tt accumulated
and pushed me to my breaking pt last mon
it was terrible
i cried
and i made him cry n worry
which ultimately made me even more sad
but we talked thru
we both felt
tt our relationship is strong enuf to
overcome these factors
and so problem solved=)

he's gg on field trip nxt wk
which means
5D4N no phone contact at all=(
i dunno how the hell am i gg to survive nxt wk
loading myself wif work n chionging finish my tutorials
seems like a pretty gd solution
hopefully tt 5 days will quickly pass by painlessly
pray tt the tears n breaking pts will not come during tt period
pray tt i will be strong enough
pray tt i will survive.

kb jus reminded me ytd
cos now my wkends are totally spent on him
i dun even do my work on the wkends
which i used to
which means
i gotta start making full use of my wkdays to chiong
my work
since i'm spending my wkends wif him already
haiz
mus stop taking long naps le
now the schedule is so tight!
i'm starting to feel tightness n suffocation
but i'm still not taking much action - -
hope i dun nd mid-yrs as a wake-up call man

to darling
jiayou for your field camp
when it's over you only hv abt half the
journey of ur BMT to complete!

to myself
gambatte!
you'll hv more than just 9 wks in battle
i'll be needing more of perseverance
less of weakness n vulnerability
god help me.