woots! 1 more year for me!!!

nope.
i dun mean tt im gg to j2.
most of those ppl hu was concerned abt me
during tt period of time already know my
'status', as wat i deemed it to be.
yupz.
its official.
im RETAINED.
BUT
BUT
BUT,
RETAINING =/= GIVING UP
get this right.
getting retained does not mean tt
i have lost hope in myself.
TT WILL NEVER BE POSSIBLE.
i strongly assure you this. =)

but anyway,
after crying for 3 times on thurs,
1 (after vp meeting),
2 (outside g office),
3 (outside op rehersal classroom)
and of course a lot of reflection on my part
im finally back on track.
i've straightened out my thoughts
after drying tt wat-seemed-to-go-on-4ever tears.

no more hidden emotions.
no more unsaid pain.
no more 'brave front'.
it will now be just me and myself alone.
wateva tt i say on this blog will just merely reflect my thoughts
* without filtering =)

1) I AM SERIOUSLY OK.
cos alot of my close frens kept asking me
'are u really ok?'
if u asked me tt on thurs,
i would hv juz cried in front of u.
no doubt abt tt.
so on thurs if u talkd 2 me on msn n asked tt
famous qn of e day,
i juz typed 'yar im ok' and put =)
whereas at home in front of e com,
i was crying lyk siao. alone.
k, tt sounds damn pathetic.
but tt was THURSDAY.
now, im over it liao.
face reality. =)

2) actually,
retaining is better in e long run.
tt was wat i learnt on tt same day.
hvin 1 more chance.
to score distinction in a lvls.
instead of hving 1 more chance to promote
and get C and D for A's.
which of course,
is rather stupid and absurb of me.
why would i want to sacrifice my a lvl juz to promote?
yes, i still think its abit shameful.
but for e sake of gettin a place in NUS,
i MUST get distinctions NO MATTER WAT
obstacles i face.
tts e harsh reality i must face.
and of course,
face it in an optimistic way!
so fellow retainees
dun be sad
cos tt shows we hv one more chance to PROVE our
TRUE CAPABILITIES during A's. =)

3) im so gonna miss 30/07!!!
tts one thing im definitely gonna cry abt.
its really damn sad im not in e same class as u guyz.
i enjoyed every single moment wif u ppl.
frm strangers in april.
to tt busy may.
getting to know e juiciest scandals.
organising chalet in june.
being involved in a huge 'conflict' in july.
talkin 2 u ppl frm cambridge in aug.
chiongin tgt in sept.
facing e music in oct.
all these months.
i did not really cherish e times spent.
u can say tt i took for granted.
which makes me even more reluctant.
but i'll still stay =) and frenz 4ever!
* wouldnt it be weird to think of me as a junior? lols.

so basically.
i sincerely thank and love those ppl hu supported me
throughout e gd times and bad times.
these memories will always be wif me.
4ever.
thank you for creating these unforgettable memories. =)
cheers to a new start, a new destination!