woots! 1 more year for me!!!

nope.
i dun mean tt im gg to j2.
most of those ppl hu was concerned abt me
during tt period of time already know my
'status', as wat i deemed it to be.
yupz.
its official.
im RETAINED.
BUT
BUT
BUT,
RETAINING =/= GIVING UP
get this right.
getting retained does not mean tt
i have lost hope in myself.
TT WILL NEVER BE POSSIBLE.
i strongly assure you this. =)

but anyway,
after crying for 3 times on thurs,
1 (after vp meeting),
2 (outside g office),
3 (outside op rehersal classroom)
and of course a lot of reflection on my part
im finally back on track.
i've straightened out my thoughts
after drying tt wat-seemed-to-go-on-4ever tears.

no more hidden emotions.
no more unsaid pain.
no more 'brave front'.
it will now be just me and myself alone.
wateva tt i say on this blog will just merely reflect my thoughts
* without filtering =)

1) I AM SERIOUSLY OK.
cos alot of my close frens kept asking me
'are u really ok?'
if u asked me tt on thurs,
i would hv juz cried in front of u.
no doubt abt tt.
so on thurs if u talkd 2 me on msn n asked tt
famous qn of e day,
i juz typed 'yar im ok' and put =)
whereas at home in front of e com,
i was crying lyk siao. alone.
k, tt sounds damn pathetic.
but tt was THURSDAY.
now, im over it liao.
face reality. =)

2) actually,
retaining is better in e long run.
tt was wat i learnt on tt same day.
hvin 1 more chance.
to score distinction in a lvls.
instead of hving 1 more chance to promote
and get C and D for A's.
which of course,
is rather stupid and absurb of me.
why would i want to sacrifice my a lvl juz to promote?
yes, i still think its abit shameful.
but for e sake of gettin a place in NUS,
i MUST get distinctions NO MATTER WAT
obstacles i face.
tts e harsh reality i must face.
and of course,
face it in an optimistic way!
so fellow retainees
dun be sad
cos tt shows we hv one more chance to PROVE our
TRUE CAPABILITIES during A's. =)

3) im so gonna miss 30/07!!!
tts one thing im definitely gonna cry abt.
its really damn sad im not in e same class as u guyz.
i enjoyed every single moment wif u ppl.
frm strangers in april.
to tt busy may.
getting to know e juiciest scandals.
organising chalet in june.
being involved in a huge 'conflict' in july.
talkin 2 u ppl frm cambridge in aug.
chiongin tgt in sept.
facing e music in oct.
all these months.
i did not really cherish e times spent.
u can say tt i took for granted.
which makes me even more reluctant.
but i'll still stay =) and frenz 4ever!
* wouldnt it be weird to think of me as a junior? lols.

so basically.
i sincerely thank and love those ppl hu supported me
throughout e gd times and bad times.
these memories will always be wif me.
4ever.
thank you for creating these unforgettable memories. =)
cheers to a new start, a new destination!

=) fake or real?

i dunno liao.
getting such shitty results.
trying to put up a brave front all day long.
certainly tired me out.
that fake smile.
those real tears of genuine sadness and disappointment.
it seemed for a moment that no-one understood me.
absolutely no-one.

yes.
but im still aware of my frens around me.
thnx lots for ur encouragement.
but i think the only thing tt can really keep me gg on is
to get promoted successfully.
which desperately needs a miracle right now.

miracles have happened to me many times in my life.
the most recent one being me passing my grade 6 piano exam
taking into account the fact tt i went to cambridge for 2 wks.
i see that as a miracle.
another miracle was my 8 pts.
though i did dreamt of it,
i thot that was just an illusion that i wanted to see badly on my cert.
but no,
it became reality.

so there,
if my life has been full of miracles so far,
god,
please,
let me believe another miracle can happen,
and that i can be promoted successfully.
i dun wanna waste one year of my life lyk this.
i dun wanna regret for e whole year.
i dun wanna become a j1 again.
no way.
please spare me from tt never-ending cycle.
i promise,
that if im given another chance,
i will forgo anime for a month
(dun laugh! anime now is impt to me!)
but tt is if im given another chance.
just one more chance.
to prove myself.

MOVIE!!!

YEAH!!!
went to watch resident evil: extinction
haha.
im so 'brave'.
dotz.
actually its more lyk e opp?!?!
lols.

had fun wif every1
wr, pl, khui pisang, mooncake, yh, reuben, eugene n last but not least
e model couple!!! (bdae boy n u-know-hu)
lols.
jkjk.

we all conspired 2 make the 'couple' sit tgt
lols!
reuben's 'drawing lots' seem to show tt e couple was fated 2 be tgt!!
hehe...
sat wif yh, mooncake and khui pisang.
e 2 siao ppl beside me (ie mooncake n khui) hugging each other n saying
'dawn! its cuming!!!'
WTH LAR!
i was already damn scared liao.
nothing to hold onto except for tt laptop of mine.
bleah.
nxt time muz bring a jacket or a bag so i can hug it.
lesson learnt!

if tt movie was considered as a thriller
i may not be able to survive horror movies liao.
lols.
no kidding.
i felt my heart stopped countless of times throughout e whole show.
=(
every1 laughed at me.
esp mooncake n khui.
- -'''
im super super not brave sia.
haiz.

but overall,
i enjoyed e whole outing!
2mrw's gonna be whole more FUN!!!
building sandcastles at east coast.
woots! =)
lastly, i would lyk to wish jy happy bdae!
hope u had fun!!! =)

its summer time!

k.
who m i kidding sia.
singapore's always summer.
lols.
seems lyk i lost my sense of humour le.
haiz.
but anyway
exams are FINALLY over.

but of course.
hell's coming soon for me.
haiz.
hope i dun 死到 so 惨.

today's supposed to be a day of happiness for me.
but why did i not really enjoy it lyk i do over these past few years?
something's weird.
very weird.
is it a premonition that something bad's going to happen?
i dun wanna wake up to reality anymore.
pls juz let me sleep and dream my whole life away.