it has always been the case

that i must experiance the fear of losing smth

before i learn to treasure it

but as time pass

i slowly forget that fear

and take things for granted again

keep assuming that things must and will always go my way

according to what i want

what i imagine it to be

but reality as always

slaps me back from dreamland

to the present time

the present situation

it is, but a cycle

a seemingly never ending cycle

seriously, when will i ever learn?

i realized

there are different relationships in this world

not one relationship is perfect

it's just a matter of whether the problems

exist in a very obvious state or not

i have a confession here

as most ppl wld have known

we started off pretty sudden, pretty shocking

but... feelings not v strong honestly speaking

i'm quite certain its the same for him

judging from how he treated me at e start

but as time goes by

it was like the see saw tipping to one side.

it was not balanced.

they say

thr's always one party hu gives in more

and the other who receive more

regrettably, i belong to the latter.

i'm a little confused

not sure if maturity level can serve as

a reasonable explanation here

on the other hand, i'm not v matured myself

unconsciously,

small problems like this arise

with that, disagreements

and of course coupled wif

those buckets of tear water and heart ache

our cold war has never last past a day before though

and, while most ppl wld see as perfect and blissful

i ask myself - is this normal for a r/s?

often, i look arnd and the answer is no.

many tell me, dun compare

but i compare, because i wan to find the answers

to my questions

i wan to clarify all the doubts that i have

nevertheless, i have yet to find all the answers i need to know.

o yeah

nearly forgot

darl managed to book out from camp last sat nite

a pleasent surprise=)

he was supposed to stay in over the wkend

but yeah lucky him haha

met at nite, and sunday

went lib wif him kb n the sick goat to study

then went wif his family for dinner

they ordered crab! 'drools

but it wasn't tt fresh

enjoyed the time wif him though=)

his POP is in 3 days! =)

k gtg study for geog litho essay test 2mrw

which i hv a strong feeling i'm gonna fail again - -

tata!

'heels are like chocolate, except without the kg's.'


i know i'm supposed to be doing work now
so i'll make it short and sweet bah

am so glad this wk is over
this super hellish wk
so many things happened!
so many tests
and definitely
so many realizations and disappointments

had 4 tests on wed 2 for geog 2 for math - -
siao la the teachers
couldnt they like sort out such tt
everything is spaced out throughout the wk?!
urgh
but yeah basically screwed every test bah
sigh.
next wk got test every single damn day
crazy crazy
suddenly i can't wait for aft A's.

had a gd talk wif my close frens
haha
v v long nvr sat down n rly ask how's stuff wif
dear pig (or rather aunty amanda)
and of course
goat, his excellency n kb
v long nvr talk to pig le
even though we see each other in sch like 5 days/wk
we seldom talk due to erm geographical barriers?
hard to explain but ppl hu know the situation
yeah u know it.
hmm but i feel tt though we seldom talk
we're still close no matter wad
poured out loads to each other
2 hrs plus of talking is rly insufficient
hope we can continue our talk someday=)

ytd aft ndp celebration e 4 of us finally got tgt
went to orchard n ate fisherios
beer battered fish is yum!!!
then we walked all e way to borders jus to kill time
then rushed back to cine to catch G.I. Joe
or wad some baka puts it as
'G Joe - The Rise of Teh Bing' hahahahaha
aft e show we went to serangoon astons to eat dinner
then crossed over to chomp chomp for beancurd
nice beancurd!!! love e pearls=)
i guess there's this special type of happiness
that i always feel when i'm wif them 3
this unique warm happiness
that i nvr felt wif anyone except wif them
no, not even wif yh
tt's how special it is
i can't even rly put it in words to accurately describe it
but no doubt
it's always felt when i'm wif them
perhaps it's cos of all e stuff we've been thru tgt
all those times

one of my realizations is, however, and most unfortunately
is tt i rly suck as a fren.
i know, they're impt to me, close to my heart
but my actions always speak otherwise
my life, i admit, has changed wif him arnd
so did my actions
but rly
ultimately
i can nvr choose btwn both of you
i suppose i am selfish enough
to want 'the best of both worlds'
but it seems to cause displeasure on both sides.
nevertheless
i rly am trying my best to strike a balance btwn both
pls, give me time so i can learn from my mistakes.
n to my dear frens
thank you, for still considering me as a fren despite of
all the flaws i have
thank you=)

darl booked out on thurs nite n came over
to my hse for supper
though i was feeling a little unwell
mum prepared herbal chicken for him
lucky him=p
but yeah 2hrs is nvr enuf
always find it so hard to let him go
but in e end i know i have to.
darl's booking out tonight though
arnd 10 or 11 plus at nite
tomorrow can meet le=)
but he wun be coming out nxt wk though
in other words when he book in on mon nite
e nxt time we meet will be 10 days later
almost reminds me of BMT
jus when i thought tt period was over
seems like it nvr will be.
i rly nd to start learning,
learning how to let go
learning how to be strong
most importantly
learning how to balance
btwn frens n him
btwn him n studies.
hope i can pull thru tt 10 days
cos in uni, thr's overseas exchng prog which last more than jus a mere 10 days
can stretch over 6 months
so 10 days is rly rly the min.

jiayou to everyone,
and god help me.

'when we grip sand in our palms tighter, it flows out through our fingers faster'
so i guess i rly shld learn how to let go?