Been ages since I penned down my thoughts here. Over the years, there has been many changes in my life. I gained some, and I have lost some. Gained a new job, quite a bit of weight, and of course, my fiance. Lost 2 family members and, pretty much, my patience with some people along the way. I realized that these recent few years taught me some of the most important life lessons. One, family will always remain a priority. Yes, I admit I neglected my family in the past. Going to grandma's house used to be a chore at times. Now, I can't turn back the clock. I can't go back in time and appreciate all the times I got to make a trip to far end of Punngol just for my grandma. Likewise, I can't go back to the heart-to-heart sessions with Uncle Jimmy. You only appreciate stuff like this once you've lost it. And this will add to the list of regrets I have in my life. But with this, I am grateful for them to have taught me that family is all that and more in life. I lost them, but because of them, I gained insight and lessons I will remember for life. Thank you, my dearest grandma and beloved uncle. Another lesson learnt, was courtesy of my now fiance. I was at my bottom's end, having ended my previous relationship of 10 years. I thought I knew love, but I didn't. He showed me love, as a friend, a BFF, and a lover. With him, I gained insight, and learnt more not just about him, but about myself as well. He made me realize, how naive and tolerant I have been all these years. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum, a lot. I would never regret having her as my mum. Nonetheless, this does not erase the fact that sometimes, her behaviour can come across as toxic. And now, with more insights I have been exposed to from my fiance as well as my work (end-of-life care), I've grown to become more aware of such behaviours. My patience grows thinner time after time. Sometimes, I get sick of hearing the screaming, I just wanna walk out of the door and say 'enough is enough'. I'm 31 this year, yet I feel I'm being treated as a 3 year old. And that is just frustrating. Here I am, thinking that as a parent to a daughter getting married, she would be excited for me. But, reality is, I don't feel that from her. I remember the first time telling my parents we have chosen the date and going to view wedding venues, she did not say a word and continued using her phone. Even when my fiance proposed, she was extremely unhappy, saying it was not appropriate as my uncle had passed on not long ago. Despite repeated explanation that it was not against Chinese tradition as getting engaged was a Western tradition, she was adamant that we made a mistake and would not receive her blessing for that. That amount of hurt, is something that I cannot forget till today. All my life, I feel like I have been constantly trying to seek her approval and meet her expectations. Time after time, I try my best. Time after time, there is always something that could have been better. This life event, is something that I hold of great importance in my life. Yet, I don't feel that she understands that, or feel happy for me. I'm at a loss. Is this supposed to be normal, or am I expecting too much? All I know is, I'm done feeling disappointed and hurt. I'll plan everything together with my fiance, and only update if she asks. I will not be saddened when this is planning for a happy occasion. I will not live my life based on trying to fulfill people's expectations. I am way past that. I will remember the life lessons taught, and continue my personal growth. I will no longer be confined to my old life of trying to match up to everyone's expectations. I will be free.