FOCUS!

k am finally updating le haha
since it's been dead for so damn long

been pretty busy
tryin to catch up in hmwk n revision
hvt officially started rev
except maybe for bio p3?
which our bio teacher kept getting us to practice
i rly find doing papers more useful
so we can know wad we need to read up on more n clear our misconceptions=)
hvt cleared all tutorials
gonna finish up at least half of chem grp2 tut and start on geog hmwk n gp
urgh
one pile accumulated again - -
it doesn't ever seem to stop, does it?
but i suppose barring myself frm gg out was a gd thing
at least i completed bio NJ paper3 ytd
happy=) tt i'm finally doing some work on a sat - -

kb's sick =(
not sure if she got frm me
but she's got cough n stuff
so we didn't swim on fri
instead we went out wif sophia, airu n maureen
DAMN FUNNY LA THEIR CLIQUE!
all e gossips n jokes rly kept me laughing all e way hahahha
haha we went to MOF on fri to eat ice cream dessert
SUPER SUPER NICE!!!
for the first time in dunno-how-many-yrs
i finally tried ice cream tt wasn't choc flavour LOL
their hokkaido red bean paste is paradise man!
so is their soft serve vanilla ice cream
i'm definitely gg bk for more nxt wk=p
maybe i'll try psycho-ing kb n pig theyall nxt wk aft lessons
on fri go eat thr again=p

i'm feeling fat n lazy urgh
pretty sure tt i've gained weight
considering all the ice cream tt i ate on fri
aft MOF in e aftnn me n darl went haagen daz
so u can imagine...
it was 2 scoops of choc ice cream plus brownie
*but i didnt touch the brownie hor
sigh
i rly think i've got worms in my stomach
rly been eating alot this past wk - -
sigh

so as seen above
i met darl for supper on fri nite aft he booked out
yep haagen dazs
wanted choc fondue but aft we saw e price ..........
it was a f-ing 42 bucks
wth la
i remember last time e menu said serve for 2 n it was 28 only
WL
now it looks like it serves four - -
was telling darl ask his bro n v along double date LOL
but rly the price is ...
darl came down on sat late morning
haha
then both of us n my family met outside for lunch
b4 he pei me go for tuition
now, thr's rly a great chg here
he used to complain abt public transport fares being ex n stuff
but now he's willing to take e bus to n fro
can see tt army rly causes maturation of guys rofl
but yeah nevertheless am happy tt he chg for e btr =)
he followed me home n stayed for a while b4 zhao-ing off
to join his family n relatives for dinner
was supposed to go wif him but since i barred myself...
the least discipline i had to hv was to stay at home during the wkend
so there.
he came down again today now earlier arnd 10 plus in e morning =)
did abit of electrochem tut b4 leaving for lunch
ate at j8 subway
THE NEW CHEESE STEAK IS YUM!
then we bought seaweed shaker fries n beancurd home
urgh ate so much
not to mention aft tuition ytd we oso bought
korean jumbo sausage n tako pachi
seriously am fat now =(
came home n he went thru my math papers wif me
sigh
seems like i cld hv passed
its all careless mistakes
i know e approach de...
but mistakes here n thr made me felt less confident of my ans
hmm maybe tt's why mr lee still has confidence in me? i hope?
no matter wad
now tt i know whr my mistake is
i'll try my best not to make e same mistake again
well, tt's e least i can do for now i suppose.

sigh.
prelims coming soon
i... rly don't know if i can pull thru
n get the grades tt i wan
the days left to nov9
rly starts to make me wonder
is it rly possible? can i do it?
can i follow my dream n get a place in NUS, in the course i wan?
i guess my ans wld always be the same.
i can, i need, i must.
hope this wld be my strongest motivation for the last lap of abt 4 months.

focus is my key to success now.

got back all my papers le

but didnt take gp n bio cos was sick

still had to sit for bio structured qns as a timed prac

totally died on tt man

gp's coming up soon this wk

sigh.

failed everything so far

feeling kinda...

i dun rly know how to describe

sad definitely cos thru-out my entire jc life

i keep failing n failing

but kinda expected though

considering the fact tt i didnt put in much effort esp math

which earned me tt pathetic result

i nd to stop shunning math jus bcos its my weakest n start practicing =(

only 8 wks to prelims

4 months to A lvls

seriously how the heck am i gg to survive during this last lap?!

rly feel hopeless at times

but somehow

i always manage to squeeze out a smile and say

'everything's gonna be okay'

maybe i shld stop decieving myself

obviously everything's not gonna be okay from the looks of things now

unless i'm gonna give my full for the remaining time

wish i had tt kind of motivation for O's

tt kind of thinking tt nth mattered more to me than getting the grades tt i wanted

been also thinking

i shld also start to cut down e time tt i go out

as well as slack

increase the time for completing hmwk n most importantly

studying

but

rly hard for me to

since most of e time when i go out

it's always wif yh

n now tt his 6 wk stay in course started

it also means i only get to meet him on wkends

which is already painful enuf for me

kor told me

'you alrdy survived tekong, now sure can la'

but rly,

jus bcos i survived one lvl of hell doesnt mean i can for e subsequent lvls

sigh.

also worried for kb

looking at her today...

i guess now's a rly bad time tt we hv to pull thru tgt

jiayou bah!

i want to find back my motivation

i must find back my motivation

i need that motivation

desperately.

god help me.

darl didnt managed to come out
cos he got caught by his officer
brought his hp to field camp
so he cldnt come out for e wkend

when i first heard
i felt extremely shocked n disappointed
shocked cos he didnt tell me he was bringing his hp
otherwise i swear i wld hv stopped him
disappointed cos
tt sat was all i ever kept looking forward to
the anticipation
all my hopes
was dashed on tt very day

cried alot
but kor called n consoled me
so im much btr now
darl n me went thru quite a difficult time
i think tt sat was e most heart-wrenching period
for both of us
everything was like on e verge of breaking point
i was sick of being disappointed n hvin to cry so much over him
he was afraid tt i'll choose to leave him
but we got everything sorted in e end=)
thank god for tt.
we both realize we needed each other ultimately


shall look forward to nxt sat then
i nd to jy for this wk
bio spa n chem test
gambatte!


'any moment, everything can change' - Hilary Duff

today's e day!!!
finally finally finally =)
dunno wad time's darling gonna be out though
haha
but anyway got chem tuition
so can only meet him aft my tuition

haiz
my cough's rly bad
this morning wake up sexy voice ROFL
i wan my voice back!
urgh
maybe cos these few days
keep consuming cold drinks
LOL
but frankly
when i hv bad coughs
i dun care
zhao yang take de
tkb u oso not supposed to take cold drinks!
LOL
must refrain man
otherwise i'll be left wif sign language
to communicate wif ppl=p

wl so much work over e wkend
siao one
haiz
plus nxt mon bio SPA
final one le!
n chem common test on fri =(
jiayou jiayou!
aft nxt wk then can take a breather=)

lookin forward to seeing darling later!
tata!

"Someone's Watching Over Me"
Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart
-I know you're watching over me=)

4th day is over!
yeah 2 more days only!!!
damn happy
today mr h not here=(
but mr b took over
haha he damn funny too but oso stress ppl out sia
timed prac was bad
i dun think i can fare well for this time haiz
o ya pig terence kb n me got take funny vid
we remaked the advertisements on tv la
ROFL
hilarious
laugh until beng lmao
got the M1 adv, the gambling one n magnum - -'''
rly damn super funny omg hahahha
we shld go sign up wif mediacorp liao hahhaha
aft pe went subway wif pig n kb
haha nice!!! and cheap =p
bought bubble tea too=)

got yearbook today too
saw darling's photos
got 2,
one in math superteam
one in class
haiz
miss e times when u were still in AJ
miss e times u waited for me (vice versa)
miss e times we looked forward to breaks
miss e times we hang out during breaks
miss e way u look in sch uni
miss your hair!!!
wahahahha
last time keep saying darl's hair ugly
but now haha no comments la hor? =p
appreciate e past now
though i know its impossible to return to it

haiz
still no motivation to do work
and i hv a list of to-do's:
-approx tut
-respiration tut
-geog essay outline
-carboxylic tut
-nitrogen cmpd tut
*study bio SPA!
*study for chem test on fri!
a whole mountain of work
and i dun feel like starting at all
man
darling hurry come bk
i nd my motivation pls
god help me. rly.

2 more days!!!

its end of 3rd day
i'm dying
LOL
wonder how's he doing
hmmm
but i guess lucky me at least got frens arnd me bah
though they dun rly talk much abt him
maybe dun wan me get too distracted missing him bah
haiz

our class clique...
haiz
rly dunno wad to do now
i'm practically forced to take sides
frankly
it seems kinda childish
u know the i-dun-friend-you thing?
wahlao
we're like how old le
seriously
in JC still got this kinda stuff rly hilarious
haiz
but reality...
totally sucks la
rly sick of this liao
sum1 pls advise=(

miss darling=(
got so many things wanna tell u
not sure if can remember until sat though
life completely and entirely without you
makes 6 days feel like 6 lifetimes
everytime i think of you
the pain sets in
the tears start to flow unknowingly
the sadness gushes out with no prior warning
i hate the emptiness
i hate the loneliness
i hate life without you
its like i can't do anything right when you aren't arnd
can you hurry come back please?
haha
since when did you turn me into such a dependent person?
i rly don't know

wan watch angels and demons!!!
hv been waiting to watch for damn long le!
hope maybe can watch with darling nxt wk bah
i guess when he come bk on sat he'll jus collapse on e bed
from exhaustion
maybe when i go see him on sat he'll be sleeping 99.9% of e time
hahaha
your video and msgs is not making me feel btr
it makes me miss you even more=(
miss you alot alot alot.......

3 days more...

its 1st day of field camp
woke up at 8 (set alarm)
went bk to slp until 11
then slack slack slack all e way until like 2
just can't seem to get myself to focus
but i did finish bio evolution tut
gonna start on 3 newspaper articles soon
i promise

i'm not myself today
forced myself to not think of him
when i was slacking
i forced myself to shut him out of my mind
watched youtube vids dl music
anything
except him
but somehow
when i look arnd
everything i see reminds me of him
our pullout bed
the chair
the dining table
the kitchen
the cup he always used
the shirt n shorts i lent to him last sat
which are now hanging dry on e clothes line
everything brings back all the memories

you told me to be strong b4 u left
i rly am trying...
but its hard
so difficult
cos practically everything tt i see
reminds me of you
when i close my eyes
i see nothing but you
but its a gd thing though
at least you're there with me at night
when i sleep
when i close my eyes
you're in front of me
and so i look forward to every night
you're my motivation=)

29 days to POP!
darl says thr's gonna be grad nite for them
and he says he's bringing me along=))
o yeah smth to look forward to haha
new dress!!! =p

kk back to work
will keep myself occupied in e day
my night is reserved for you darl
gd nite and rest well darl=)

5 days more! GAMBATTE!